Home > Archive > After 9 Months, Baby Gives Up on Occupy Uterus Movement

After 9 Months, Baby Gives Up on Occupy Uterus Movement


Today a child who had been occupying a Uterus for the past 9 months finally gave up on his protest and evacuated the area he had inhabited. Much like the Occupy Wall Street movement, the child, who has since been named “Timmy” had created a home for himself setting up a small livable space, receiving what little nourishment came his way, and wouldn’t leave even to use the bathroom. “It was a difficult decision” said Timmy, “but at the end of the day it had been so long, I couldn’t even remember why I was there in the first place. I remember there were literally hundreds of thousands of us who started this movement, and 9 months later I was the only one left. It makes you wonder what it was all for, you know?“

Timmy, perhaps taking a page from various environmental protesters, chained himself to the Uterus using a cord, and refused to separate himself from that cord or evacuate the premises. “Originally we all wanted to stand up to the top .001% of sperm who actually become children,” explained Timmy, “but through this whole process it turns out I wasn’t one of the unlucky 99.999%, I was the in the .001%. When I think back, I wonder if the last 9 months was a mistake.” Moments after the interview, Timmy’s parents later confirmed that Timmy was in fact a mistake.

Rob DeSantis

Categories: Archive
  1. October 17, 2011 at 5:38 pm

    Great Article! As good or better than anything in The Onion.


    • January 24, 2012 at 6:47 pm

      Thanks for supporting the site. And we here at GNN don’t talk about The Onion. Mainly because we’re legally not allowed to… or be within 50 feet of them or send them any more “packages.”


    • Nii
      February 6, 2012 at 10:17 am

      One thing you fail to mntoien John is this little fact. The types of people that are dominating our political landscape, the CEOs and the corporate like, the very people that the protesters are directing their angst against, are the same type of people who try to dominate the Adirondack land use debate. You have Curt Stiles,the disgraced former Chairman of the APA and former executive at Xerox. You have Brian Ruder, Chairman of the Adirondack Council Board of Directors former bigwig with Citigroup, Heinz, and others. Then there is Henry Paulson. This mans resume includes Former CEO of Goldman Sachs. He was Treasury Secretary under Bush Jr.. He was also architect of the biggest bailout of the banks back in 2008. He also was past Chairman of the Board of The Nature Conservancy from 2004-2006. The current CEO of The Nature Conservancy is a man by the name of Mark Tercek. He is a former Managing Director of Goldman Sachs. What the Occupation of Wall Street is all about John is how a very few wealthy people have used their money to try and dominate every aspect of our lives. Wether it is on Wall Street, Pensylvania Ave. or Route86 in Ray Brook, it is the same people. This is the problem that is the greatesat threat to this country. Money has no place in politics. It has corrupted the very fiber that our country was founded on. Money has drowned out the voice of consensus. It is only through consensus that democracy works. Consensus guarantees compromises that everybody may not like, but can live with. Our current situation is untenable. If the entrenched politicians with their banker backers do not recognize theses facts, they will doomed to repeat history, and history has always proven to be on the side of the people.


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