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Home > The Rob Report > WWE Forced To Reevaluate Mandatory Cocaine And Steroid Use Policy Following Ultimate Warrior Death

WWE Forced To Reevaluate Mandatory Cocaine And Steroid Use Policy Following Ultimate Warrior Death

Ultimate WarriorSTAMFORD, CT (USA)

Only days after being inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame, The Ultimate Warrior, one of professional wrestling’s biggest superstars has died at 54. The Ultimate Warrior, born James Brian Hellwig, legally changed his name to Warrior in 1993, then changed his name again in 2003 to Martha Stewart, then changed it back to Warrior again in 2004. Warrior appeared on Monday Night Raw just hours before his death to thank his fans, which has raised suspicions about the cause of his death.  In a statement the WWE said they were “very saddened by the passing of the Warrior, and his death has made them take a step back and reevaluate their mandatory Steroid & Cocaine use policy that they have had in effect for generations.”

The mixing of steroids and cocaine, which wrestling industry insiders refer to as a “powerbomb,” is part of the WWE’s wellness policy and has been a mandatory part of maintaining not only the health of the wrestlers, but also help them with the strength and energy that is required to perform on a nightly basis.  This policy was reinstated for the Warrior, as the WWE does not allow anyone to enter the ring without considering their safety first. “We all know heart health is important,” said the WWE in their statement on Tuesday, “and what is more healthy than getting an elevated heart rate with some cocaine and steroids?”

Medical professionals have long since disputed the WWE’s claims that cocaine and steroids are in fact healthy for the heart, and with the passing of the Warrior, the WWE may start to listen.  In their statement they say “while the health of our wrestlers is always top priority, we are looking for other alternatives to cocaine and steroids moving forward.  From now on, we will be banning these substances until we can confirm they are not dangerous, and in the meantime we will play it safe and just require our wrestlers to start abusing testosterone replacement therapy and drink 10 Red Bulls before every match.”

Check out the new trailer for the upcoming indie movie Susie Q (or: Two Brothers Who Fight Over a Girl They Plan to Rob)

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Categories: The Rob Report
  1. May 19, 2014 at 11:20 am

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