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	<description>SERVING THE WORLD, BUT MOSTLY JUST THE IMPORTANT PARTS LIKE AMERICA</description>
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		<title>Linsanity Shown to be Caused by Rage Linfested Monkeys</title>
		<link>http://globalnewsnetwork.us/2012/02/20/linsanity-shown-to-be-caused-by-rage-linfested-monkeys/</link>
		<comments>http://globalnewsnetwork.us/2012/02/20/linsanity-shown-to-be-caused-by-rage-linfested-monkeys/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 20 Feb 2012 15:04:53 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>robdcomedy</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[News]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[28 Days Later]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[comedy]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[funny]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[global news network]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[GNN]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[humor]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Jeremy Lin]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[knicks]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Linfested]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Linsanity]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[nba]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[new york]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[parody]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Racist Lin]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[rage]]></category>
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		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://globalnewsnetwork.us/?p=854</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[NEW YORK CITY, NY (USA) 28 Days Later after Jeremy Lin has made an impact in the NBA, media outlets have been reporting on the wide spread Linsanity in New York City, and slowly spreading to New Jersey, Long Island, Pennsylvania, and Connecticut.  With Linsanity spreading, the EPA has classified this as a class 5 [...]<img alt="" border="0" src="http://stats.wordpress.com/b.gif?host=globalnewsnetwork.us&amp;blog=24879618&amp;post=854&amp;subd=globalnewswebsite&amp;ref=&amp;feed=1" width="1" height="1" />]]></description>
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		<slash:comments>1</slash:comments>
	
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		<title>Record Company Promises Full Exploitation of Dead Celebrity: Whitney Houston</title>
		<link>http://globalnewsnetwork.us/2012/02/16/record-company-promises-full-exploitation-of-dead-celebrity-whitney-houston/</link>
		<comments>http://globalnewsnetwork.us/2012/02/16/record-company-promises-full-exploitation-of-dead-celebrity-whitney-houston/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 16 Feb 2012 18:32:44 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>The Editor</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Featured]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[celebrity]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[comedy]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[global news network]]></category>
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		<category><![CDATA[tabloid]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[whitney houston]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://globalnewsnetwork.us/?p=849</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[LOS ANGELES, CA (USA) This morning it was announced that singer and “actress” Whitney Houston passed away from still undetermined causes. Within minutes of hearing of the death of the 48 year old, executives from her record label quickly booked an emergency meeting to explore all ideas on how to fully exploit the situation for [...]<img alt="" border="0" src="http://stats.wordpress.com/b.gif?host=globalnewsnetwork.us&amp;blog=24879618&amp;post=849&amp;subd=globalnewswebsite&amp;ref=&amp;feed=1" width="1" height="1" />]]></description>
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		<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
	
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		<title>Ron Paul Declared Winner of Not Winning</title>
		<link>http://globalnewsnetwork.us/2012/02/15/ron-paul-declared-winner-of-not-winning/</link>
		<comments>http://globalnewsnetwork.us/2012/02/15/ron-paul-declared-winner-of-not-winning/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 15 Feb 2012 16:37:22 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>The Editor</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Politics]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[candidates]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[comedy]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[election]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[funny]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[global news network]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[GNN]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[GOP]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[humor]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[mitt romney]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[parody]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Rick Santorum]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[ron paul]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[satire]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://globalnewsnetwork.us/?p=845</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[WASHINGTON DC, D.C. (USA) With 99% of the votes counted Ron Paul is being named the clear winner of not winning a primary despite having tried really really hard and having a strong Facebook following. Balloons and confetti are already falling at the Paul headquarters in the party hall of the airport Marriott. &#8220;I&#8217;m very [...]<img alt="" border="0" src="http://stats.wordpress.com/b.gif?host=globalnewsnetwork.us&amp;blog=24879618&amp;post=845&amp;subd=globalnewswebsite&amp;ref=&amp;feed=1" width="1" height="1" />]]></description>
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		<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
	
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		<item>
		<title>Cookie Monster Wins Texas, GOP Race Wide Open</title>
		<link>http://globalnewsnetwork.us/2012/02/09/cookie-monster-wins-texas-gop-race-wide-open/</link>
		<comments>http://globalnewsnetwork.us/2012/02/09/cookie-monster-wins-texas-gop-race-wide-open/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 09 Feb 2012 15:26:23 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>The Editor</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Politics]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[comedy]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[cookie monster]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[election]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[funny]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[global news network]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[GNN]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[humor]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[mitt romney]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[obama]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[parody]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[satire]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[sesame street]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://globalnewsnetwork.us/?p=841</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[DALLAS, TX (USA) The Texas primary was considered to be an important one and the results came in early at around 10pm. With the Cookie Monster&#8217;s decisive ten point win over Mitt Romney, the GOP race has been widened yet again. &#8220;It&#8217;s anyone&#8217;s game,&#8221; a voter had to say. When asked what was it about [...]<img alt="" border="0" src="http://stats.wordpress.com/b.gif?host=globalnewsnetwork.us&amp;blog=24879618&amp;post=841&amp;subd=globalnewswebsite&amp;ref=&amp;feed=1" width="1" height="1" />]]></description>
		<wfw:commentRss>http://globalnewsnetwork.us/2012/02/09/cookie-monster-wins-texas-gop-race-wide-open/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
	
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			<media:title type="html">globalnewswebsite</media:title>
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			<media:title type="html">cookie-monster</media:title>
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		<item>
		<title>New Poll Shows Minorities Love Unprotected Sex and Not Voting</title>
		<link>http://globalnewsnetwork.us/2012/02/07/new-poll-shows-minorities-love-unprotected-sex-and-not-voting/</link>
		<comments>http://globalnewsnetwork.us/2012/02/07/new-poll-shows-minorities-love-unprotected-sex-and-not-voting/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 07 Feb 2012 15:51:06 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>The Editor</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[News]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[comedy]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[condoms]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[democracy]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[fake news]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[funny]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[global news network]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[GNN]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[humor]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[minorities]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[parody]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[satire]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[sex]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[unprotected sex]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[voting]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://globalnewsnetwork.us/?p=836</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[JACKSON HEIGHTS, QUEENS, NY (USA) The Jackson Heights Institute of Technology released a new study this morning shedding further light on the culture of minorities. &#8220;They&#8217;re very interesting and unique people,&#8221; project leader Nathan Bitters began, &#8220;much like the Italians they enjoy unprotected sex however they show a strong hostility towards voting.&#8221; Bitters spent two [...]<img alt="" border="0" src="http://stats.wordpress.com/b.gif?host=globalnewsnetwork.us&amp;blog=24879618&amp;post=836&amp;subd=globalnewswebsite&amp;ref=&amp;feed=1" width="1" height="1" />]]></description>
		<wfw:commentRss>http://globalnewsnetwork.us/2012/02/07/new-poll-shows-minorities-love-unprotected-sex-and-not-voting/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
	
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		<title>Eli Manning Asks Tebow to Borrow Jesus for Superbowl</title>
		<link>http://globalnewsnetwork.us/2012/02/05/eli-manning-asks-tebow-to-borrow-jesus-for-superbowl/</link>
		<comments>http://globalnewsnetwork.us/2012/02/05/eli-manning-asks-tebow-to-borrow-jesus-for-superbowl/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sun, 05 Feb 2012 22:04:27 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>robdcomedy</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[News]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[eli manning]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[giants]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[global news network]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[GNN]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[manning]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[patriots]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[tim tebow]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://globalnewsnetwork.us/?p=830</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[INDIANAPOLIS, IN (USA) Just hours before Superbowl XLVI, NFL insiders are reporting that Eli Manning isn&#8217;t leaving anything to chance in his second Superbowl facing arguably the best Quarterback of all time, Tom Brady.  Manning has reportedly reached out to Bronco&#8217;s Quarterback Tim Tebow, and has asked if he could borrow Jesus Christ for a [...]<img alt="" border="0" src="http://stats.wordpress.com/b.gif?host=globalnewsnetwork.us&amp;blog=24879618&amp;post=830&amp;subd=globalnewswebsite&amp;ref=&amp;feed=1" width="1" height="1" />]]></description>
		<wfw:commentRss>http://globalnewsnetwork.us/2012/02/05/eli-manning-asks-tebow-to-borrow-jesus-for-superbowl/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>1</slash:comments>
	
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			<media:title type="html">robdcomedy</media:title>
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		<title>McDonald’s Announces End to Shitting in Their Food</title>
		<link>http://globalnewsnetwork.us/2012/02/02/mcdonalds-announces-end-to-shitting-in-their-food/</link>
		<comments>http://globalnewsnetwork.us/2012/02/02/mcdonalds-announces-end-to-shitting-in-their-food/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 02 Feb 2012 18:57:45 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>The Editor</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[News]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[comedy]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[fast food]]></category>
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		<category><![CDATA[mcdonalds]]></category>
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		<category><![CDATA[ronald mcdonald]]></category>
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		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://globalnewswebsite.wordpress.com/?p=818</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[OAK BROOK, IL (USA) As of early this morning McDonald’s representative John Grammer announced that the CEO’s shit would no longer be used as an active ingredient in the process of making their famed hamburgers. “Times are changing and it has become no longer reasonable for us to continue including rich people’s processed shit in [...]<img alt="" border="0" src="http://stats.wordpress.com/b.gif?host=globalnewsnetwork.us&amp;blog=24879618&amp;post=818&amp;subd=globalnewswebsite&amp;ref=&amp;feed=1" width="1" height="1" />]]></description>
		<wfw:commentRss>http://globalnewsnetwork.us/2012/02/02/mcdonalds-announces-end-to-shitting-in-their-food/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>1</slash:comments>
	
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			<media:title type="html">Ronald-McDonald</media:title>
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		<title>Snake Plissken Found Dead in Detroit at Age 60</title>
		<link>http://globalnewsnetwork.us/2012/02/01/snake-plissken-found-dead-in-detroit-at-age-60/</link>
		<comments>http://globalnewsnetwork.us/2012/02/01/snake-plissken-found-dead-in-detroit-at-age-60/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 01 Feb 2012 16:41:03 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>The Editor</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[News]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[comedy]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[conspiracy theorists]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[detroit]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[economy]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[escape from L.A.]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[escape from new york]]></category>
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		<category><![CDATA[john carpenter]]></category>
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		<category><![CDATA[snake plissken]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://globalnewsnetwork.us/?p=804</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[DETROIT, MI (USA) Snake Plissken (age 60) was sentenced to life in a horrible city following an arrest last July for possession of illegally downloaded mp3&#8242;s. With a record of having already escaped New York and Los Angeles, presiding Judge William O&#8217;Gavin sentenced the repeat offender to Detroit for a duration of until he could [...]<img alt="" border="0" src="http://stats.wordpress.com/b.gif?host=globalnewsnetwork.us&amp;blog=24879618&amp;post=804&amp;subd=globalnewswebsite&amp;ref=&amp;feed=1" width="1" height="1" />]]></description>
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		<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
	
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		<title>Woman With Two Black Eyes &#8220;Still Doesn&#8217;t Get It&#8221;</title>
		<link>http://globalnewsnetwork.us/2012/01/31/woman-with-two-black-eyes-still-doesnt-get-it/</link>
		<comments>http://globalnewsnetwork.us/2012/01/31/woman-with-two-black-eyes-still-doesnt-get-it/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 31 Jan 2012 20:24:16 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>The Editor</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[News]]></category>
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		<category><![CDATA[south park]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://globalnewsnetwork.us/?p=798</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[FORT WORTH, TX (USA) Police are reporting that 32 year old Janet Elks of Fort Worth, Texas &#8220;still doesn&#8217;t get it&#8221; despite receiving two black eyes from live-in boyfriend Derek Tomlas. &#8220;The ketchup goes on before the lettuce,&#8221; explained Tomlas, &#8220;otherwise it&#8217;s just not a sandwich.&#8221; Miss Elks was questioned following the altercation and according [...]<img alt="" border="0" src="http://stats.wordpress.com/b.gif?host=globalnewsnetwork.us&amp;blog=24879618&amp;post=798&amp;subd=globalnewswebsite&amp;ref=&amp;feed=1" width="1" height="1" />]]></description>
		<wfw:commentRss>http://globalnewsnetwork.us/2012/01/31/woman-with-two-black-eyes-still-doesnt-get-it/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
	
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		<title>Academy Thinks Academy Did Great Job Picking Academy Award Nominees</title>
		<link>http://globalnewsnetwork.us/2012/01/25/academy-thinks-academy-did-great-job-picking-academy-award-nominees/</link>
		<comments>http://globalnewsnetwork.us/2012/01/25/academy-thinks-academy-did-great-job-picking-academy-award-nominees/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 25 Jan 2012 20:03:25 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>The Editor</dc:creator>
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		<description><![CDATA[HOLLYWOOD, CA (USA) The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences released it&#8217;s nominees list this week and despite public backlash, the Academy thinks, frankly, it did a great job. “I don&#8217;t think we snubbed anyone,” said chair of public relations for the group, Marvin Levy. “The board picked everything correctly, nearest I can tell.” [...]<img alt="" border="0" src="http://stats.wordpress.com/b.gif?host=globalnewsnetwork.us&amp;blog=24879618&amp;post=792&amp;subd=globalnewswebsite&amp;ref=&amp;feed=1" width="1" height="1" />]]></description>
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