Boston, Massachusetts (USA)

A freakish case of mistaken identity resulted in a Northeastern student having sex with an actual cougar. Steve Sovinsky, junior economics major at the university had participated in a conversation with several classmates about the benefits of sexual relations with cougars, a popular slang term amongst youth for older women.

Confused and intrigued Sovinsky felt embarrassed in his lack of knowledge in the field, “I grew up pretty sheltered. I wouldn’t say I was a choirboy but I certainly wasn’t a wild child.”

Using the only resources available to him, Sovinsky researched the intrawebs for hours. His studies turned up numerous information on cougars and other mountain lions.

“Yes, I will admit that it seemed crazy and illogical, but curiosity got the better of me.” Sovinsky recalled the experience from his hospital bed, “the zoo was fairly empty that day, it was a Monday. I didn’t have too much trouble crossing the division rail.” Sovinsky hesitated to continue, the fresh scars covering nearly 80% of his body served as a harsh reminder of the tragic event. “I was attacked immediately.”

Understandably, Steve’s parents appeared distraught and embarrassed. Peter Sovinsky, Steve’s father commented on the mix-up, “it was an honest mistake. It could have happened to anyone.”

Statistically there are between ten to fifteen provoked cougar attacks a year. This being the first concluding in full rectal reconstructive surgery is prompting interest from the country’s top medical journals.

Although his genitals were left in tact, a team of doctors concurred that it was best they be removed, fearing one day they might be used not only properly but also successfully.

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