Washington, DC (USA)

Following the lengthy State of the Union address delivered by President Barack Obama on January 27th, 2010, White House officials released a statement that they had reached upon a successful bipartisan solution to the harsh economy. Gold.

Sources tell us White House chief of staff Rahm Emanuel was watching cable news network media when landing upon the miraculous discovery. “I was there on my couch in my underwear eating cereal watching TV, as I always do, and G. Gordon Liddy came on the screen.”

Liddy, notorious for being one of former President Nixon’s chief aids, and an ex con, has recently made a name for himself with a popular infomercial describing the financial benefits of gold.

Rahm Emanuel had this to say, “by investing in gold, the USA will be decades ahead of our competitors.” Emanuel then followed by explaining that the newly purchased gold will be kept tarnish free with Tarn-X X-brand tarnish remover, available at local Wallmart, Kmart, Nordstrom outlets.

Current Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin weighted in on the debate chastising the United States for such underhanded tactics. The dismay is believed to be sourced from recent purchases Russia made making the nation the worlds leading owner of silver and silver byproducts.

When questioned on his own precious metals Putin had this to say, “something had to take the attention away from all the uranium.” An immediate whirlwind of media frenzy and political backlash was created forcing the Prime Minister to pull on some strings and squeeze his hand resulting in President Dmitry Medvedev’s rebuttal, “it’s not for us, we swear. We’re just holding it for Iran.”