CHARLOTTE, NC (USA)
Agencies received intelligence that Japan, still bitter over the closing events of World War II, have spent the last several decades working on a large scale reconnaissance operation for the sole purpose of invasion and eventual enslavement. Over 200 suspected Japanese spies were detained this morning, each armed with a digital camera holding what we have been told to be large amounts of pictures of the seemingly unimportant.
Agent Al Davis explained, “to the average person, those pictures are as harmless as butterflies and candy canes, but you have to remember, these are a sick people.” The agent then joyfully reminisced about pouring water over cloth covered faces somewhere in the Caribbean.
So far the investigation has resulted in thousands of gigabytes of footage of breakfast buffets, street signs, and elevator control panels. The Japanese emperor is denying any involvement and claims the insurgents are actually all Chinese.
Intelligence, confused from the beginning, is taking a serious look into these allegations. The Chinese community has yet to comment but the liberal Jewish community has already stepped in on the matter in their defense. “It’s an outrage and an outcry. Is this where our nation is heading,” a woman with the surname Katz had to contribute. A rally has been scheduled in the D.C. area in support of the Chinese, disapproval of any future Republican president, and the legalization of marijuana.
The black community, entertained by the scandal from the beginning, has expressed sentiment for more. Shantal Cox, recently employed mother of three, weighed in, “it’s a shame I can’t tivo this shit.” As a result, NBC canceled The Office and is replacing it with footage of a Kardashian cousin eating far more than she probably should.