Hollywood, California (USA)
Early this morning Steven Tyler’s face released a statement to the press that if Mr. Tyler’s actions concerning drug use do not cease and desist that it will sever all ties with the rock star.
Trouble began for the pair last Summer when the band Aerosmith’s summer tour had to be cut short due to injuries Mr. Tyler sustained after a fall off of a stage during one of the bands performances. The famous lead singer had been showing erratic behavior. “He’s definitely on something,” the band had to say.
Tyler’s face denied any ripples in the relationship until this morning. “I just can’t take anymore of it. I mean, come on, look at me. Do I look like I can take anymore drugs?”
According to federal statutes the level of ugly a man’s face can have is being dangerously tested by Mr. Tyler. According to New York State Chief Judge Jonathan Lippman, “if Steven Tyler’s face gets any uglier, the government would certainly be forced to get involved.”
Mr. Tyler’s camp released this statement: “It is unfortunate that his face feels the way it does however we feel strongly in our defense. There have been many victories in similar cases in the past including Keith Richards, Amy Winehouse, and that dude who married Heidi Klum.” GNN would like to clarify that Seal was a special case not involving drugs.
The union, having lasted over 60 years, is one of the longest in the industry and has left many insiders jaded as to the future. “If they split then anyone is fair game,” Elton John had to add, himself having famously separated from his heterosexuality in 1988.
The remaining members of Aerosmith are actively searching for a replacement lead singer and plan an American tour in the Summer of 2010.