STANFORD, CT (USA)

Privately funded scientists have been working for over a decade to disprove the common held belief that Pink Floyd’s The Wall is a “masterpiece.” Months of hypothesizing was followed by experiments involving “not getting high” and “actually listening to the entire album.” Head researcher Tim Czhornak had this to say, “I’m not saying it’s terrible. It has a few good songs but to speak honestly, it’s no Theater of Pain.” Referring to Motley Crue’s 1985 classic that spawned over six songs that drunk white trash still sing along to at local bars.

This sent High School teens and twenty-something white girls who generally listen to hip hop anyway into an outrage. “It’s a masterpiece,” declared one Russian émigré whose other interests include Iron Maiden and calculator wristwatches. Students staged protests around the nation, disrupting industry by blaring Rage Against the Machine and Public Enemy from large monitors reportedly “paid for by their parents.” Pink Floyd’s The Wall has yet to receive airplay.

It is not just students and cool dads that are refusing to accept the newly discovered theory. Roger Waters spoke on behalf of the album this afternoon, “the album is a masterpiece, I wrote every track and as a whole it inspired the world over. Only good came from this album!” Following its release Roger Waters was released from his contract and the quartet never significantly reunited again. The only time the original members appeared on stage together since has been during a Live 8 performance in 2005 that was reported by members of the band as being “awkward” and by fans as “they’re a lot older than we remembered.”

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