Marvin Harris, prominent leader of the white supremacist movement, sat down with The Global News Network at a recent meeting of The Aryan Brotherhood in Birmingham, AL. It was evident we had arrived at the right location as the parking lot was full of pickup trucks with various racist bumper stickers, including: “I’d rather be lynching,” “Build us a fence and GIIIT OUT OF MY COUNTRY,” and “Bush/Cheney 04.”

“I get the same question all the time; what is it about being a racist that attracted me so much,” Harris said in a surprisingly articulate manner. “Well it’s quite simple really…racist chicks are crazy in bed. I happen to be a man whose turn-on’s include tattoos, illiteracy, and women who were abused by their father. There is also the turn on of knowing these women have never had sex with a black man, so I don’t have to worry about them judging my penis size. It’s like the old saying goes: Once you go black, GIIIT OUT OF MY COUNTRY!”

When asked if he actually hated minorities, Harris had this to say: “You know, I don’t want to let the cat out of bag here, I have a reputation to uphold in this community. Where is this being published? The Internet? It’s not airing on TV? Ok, then we are fine, none of these people know how to read.”

Rob DeSantis