LAS VEGAS, NV (USA)

A breakthrough study containing years of research has finally bore fruit. Scientists and doctors alike have come to the conclusion that the breasts of 2011 clearly trump those of any other decade. The current average bra size is a 36C, as compared to 20 years ago, when it measured to a mere 34B. These results could predict a trend to determine the future image of breasts for years to come.

Dr. Simon was selected to “hands on,” as he describes it, examine a control group of 50 pairs of breasts. Simon eagerly researched and found conclusive evidence with his team. He states, “Since the 40’s, women’s boobies have evolved from the cone shaped modest B-cups, to some really great full racks which fill out today’s bra. These are the melons we have been waiting for.”

Dr. Simon and his staff confirmed that while the taa-taa’s are quite stunning, they also have benefits over more dated mammaries. They are more likely to hold more milk after pregnancies, fill out dresses nicely, and naturally create cleavage on any blouse a female wears. Also, sexually, both men and women have found the new-age tits more pleasing.

“These knockers provide options: Just try to motorboat a 50’s pin-up girl. You can’t.”—

Tiger Woods, professional golfer.
What does this mean for today’s woman? Expect the next generation of ladies to have a perfectly symmetrical bosom, with a proportional areola, and less sagging over time. Also, you can expect an ideal bra that supports the puppies, while showcasing their genetic victory.

“Makes you feel kind of proud, right? I mean, they really filled out.” Dr. Simon added, “And check out Dr. Rowe, she’s actually stacked now that I think about it…”

Phil Biedron
philbiedron@gmail.com

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