A bold new advertising campaign for Victoria’s Secret has shocked the marketing community by breaking recent advertising trends and hiring an attractive model to wear their new “More Than Just Breast Support” underwear line. To date, most advertising for ladies undergarments have featured plus sized women, usually over 300 pounds, to show just how much weight the underwear could support without ripping. “Car commercials always have a car driving full speed into a wall to show how durable it is, that’s what formula the underwear industry has followed for years! Put your underwear on the fattest woman you can find to prove it won’t tear or rip.”

“I never dreamed anyone would use sexual imagery to sell underwear” said Harvard Marketing professional Kent Hailman, “I believe other industries are going to start using sex to sell their products. Every commercial for deodorant, cars, even alcoholic beverages are going to feature attractive women. I just hope the pornography industry doesn’t catch on. Could you imagine that? Millions of men watching videos on the internet, wishing that’s what their wives looked like? It would be chaos!”

Hailman’s prediction may be correct, as Victoria Secret sales skyrocketed early this week by record numbers of male customers buying the More Than Just Breast Support products for their wives, and were then followed by a record number of returns, with most men stating, “This underwear didn’t make my wife look like the woman on the commercial. That shit was false advertising!”

Rob DeSantis