NEW YORK CITY, NY (USA)

1980’s dancing and singing sensation The California Raisins are set to reunite for five shows in early November. Known primarily for a series of advertisements from 1986 to 1990, members of the band have since been found spending their time smoking crack and filming basic cable reality TV shows. That is except of course for member Justin Raisinblake who has had a successful solo singing and acting career resulting in a distancing himself from the other raisins. The raisin that looks like Ray Charles was pleased to announce the news and Raisinblake’s replacement, “I am proud to announce the latest addition to the group, Whoopie Goldberg.”

Whoopie Goldberg was reportedly shocked upon hearing of the press conference. She claimed that it had only been her career that shriveled up and not her face. “I will never join such a second rate group and I am surely not a raisin.” She was then found filing law suit against the Kellogg’s corporation for using her image in the longtime “two scoops of Whoopie” campaign. After deliberation it is expected that Ms. Goldberg will in fact join the group on stage despite not actually being a raisin. “She could use the money,” said manager and friend John Weinstein, “and there’s nothing embarrassing about dancing on stage with dried fruit.” Citing of course Andrew Ridgeley’s recent refusal to participate in a Wham! reunion. George Michael could not be contacted for comment as he was busy maintaining what used to be considered a naturally black five o-clock shadow.

The California Raisins are scheduled to perform five shows at the famed Beacon Theater in New York City the first week of November. Whoopie Goldberg is scheduled for nothing else.

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