NEW YORK, NY (USA)
Minutes after farmland in Virginia suffered a noticeable earthquake panic spread across cities along the east coast. Panic was alleviated when the revelation occurred to many that they now had an excuse to not return back to work for the duration of the day. Millions of people have simultaneously and unsuccessfully been trying to use cellphones to confirm that their friends possibly felt similar earthquake like sensations. It is believed that lines will be functional again once half those people hang up and stop tying up phone lines trying to confirm that their friends possibly felt similar earthquake like sensations. A majority of analysts however believe that this is the first of many side effects of the earthquake, more is expected including two weeks of media coverage and a line of cheaply produced t-shirts. Virginia had no comment as they actually had an earthquake to deal with.
Stay tuned for more information regarding something that only questionably happened.