Republican presidential candidate Michele Bachmann a crowd of spectators on Sunday that Hurricane Irene and the earthquake felt along much of the East Coast last week were messages from God, which she suggested is being channeled through small government conservatives. What was God’s message? To remind everyone wearing white after Labor Day is a sin and a fashion statement of Satan.

While many conservatives have backed up Bachmann in her assertion that these national disasters so close to each other was a sign from God, they are in fact not united in God’s message. “White after Labor Day? Really?” said GOP contender Newt Gingrich, “it’s obvious this was a sign of God’s wrath targeted towards glitter bombing, and to a lesser extent…same sex marriage.” Sarah Palin, another well known translator of God’s messages, which somehow always coincidently coincide with whatever political narrative she is pushing that week, said “Yes, we can all agree that this is a message from God, but what he is saying is that we can’t allow stem cell research. It is the same message that God passed down the 10 commandments to Paul Revere…who warned the British…by ringing those bells…GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!”

Many Liberals are asserting that statements like this are asserting Bachmann’s detachment from reality, as well as other religious conservative candidates. “I swear these republicans sound crazier and crazier every day,” said Philadelphia native Geno Baxter, “You wanna know what God’s message was sending a Hurricane? He told everyone to lie about how many trees got knocked down around your neighborhood to your boss, and call the hell out of work.” God Givith, and it was good.

Rob DeSantis