PORTLAND, OR (USA)
Early this morning the Portland home of Wile E. Coyote was raided by a joint task force including SWAT and Homeland Security. Mr. Coyote was taken into custody and charged with acts to commit terrorist conspiracy. A large stockpile of explosives was confiscated from the property including two pounds of Acme Yellowcake. The suspect’s only comment was, “carnivorous innocentus.”
The Road Runner community is both relieved and worried. “It’s great that they caught the guy but who knows what other sleeper is amongst our communities,” commented local butcher Haim Roadrunner. Debate arose once again about the plans to construct a Coyote temple near the site of the World Trade Center terrorist attack. “It’s what the coyotes want! Since when have the wishes of Coyotes become more important than the wishes of Roadrunners? This is America!” continued Haim, “all my life I’ve been looking over my shoulder for dynamite, anvils, and false painted walls along the highway. I want my rights too.”
President Obama has taken great credit for the arrest and assured Americans that the government is doing the best they can to ensure our safety. Wile E. Coyote will be transported to Guantanamo Bay where he is expected to be fed three servings of Roadrunner daily as not to impede on his religious rights.