Cedar Rapids, IA (USA)

After strong showings in two debates and a solid surge in the polls, Rick Perry’s Campaign announced a tour through Iowa which will include a fundraiser in Cedar Rapids with an interesting twist; the live execution of an Iowa death row inmate.

In an unprecedented move by Iowa Governor Terry Brandstand, Ricky Perry’s camp was not only given authority to execute a man live at a fundraiser, but was allowed to pick from a number of inmates available. They chose serial rapist Charles Cooper, a Cedar Rapids local. Though Governor Brandstand has not officially endorsed a Presidential candidate, this move will certainly create buzz among political insiders. “No one else in the field has approached me with such a proposal, and I happen to think its a great idea. If we learned anything from these last two debates its that people want to see others taking responsibility for their actions and justice being served. I just hope more of our elected officials will soon have the courage to murder God’s lesser creatures,” stated the Governor when asked by the Des Moines Register is this was his way of endorsing Rick Perry. He later amended his comments stressing that, “… the murder of God’s lesser creatures before birth is inexcusable”.

Also reached for comment was Iowa Republican Party Chairman Michael Strawn, who has not officially endorsed any candidates. “I think we have a great field of candidates this cycle and no matter who gets the nomination, that candidate will make sure Obama is a one term president. The people of Iowa want a candidate in the model of our founding fathers. Someone who leads by example. A man who can shuck their own corn, build their own house, and execute their own serial rapists.”

The Des Moines Register also reached out to the Romney camp for a response, but they have yet to make an official statement. An insider speaking anonymously stated that the Romeny camp was nervous that if they came out too strong against the public execution of a serial rapist, that they would be deemed weak on crime and could tank in similar fashion to Dukakis back in ’88, who lost in a landslide to George H. W. Bush. The anonymous insider also expressed frustration over the Iowa Governor allowing the Perry camp to pick an inmate whose execution would be a “crowd-pleaser.”

Those on the left have been criticizing this move as a way to divert attention from the 2004 execution of Cameron Willingham. Many feel, based on evidence that has come up since his original sentencing, that he was innocent and that by executing such a horrifying human being, that it would help fend off some of the blow back that could come in a general election. Those on the right are quick to point out, however, that because of the high volume of people that Rick Perry has executed, that one innocent man falling through the cracks is statistically irrelevant.

Although it has not been officially announced how Rick Perry would execute this monster, Perry’s Iowa State Director Matt Gronewald assures us that this will be a “must see” event and that Perry plans on being very “hands-on” in the execution process. The string of heavy handed references to Gavin Lyall’s novel, “The Most Dangerous Game” that followed have led us here to believe that Rick Perry will give Charles Cooper a head start before hunting him down and brutally murdering him. Tune in for live coverage of the execution on Sept. 25th on all major news networks.

Joe Corallo
joseph.coral@gmail.com

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