MINNEAPOLIS, MN

During a test screening of James Cameron’s new movie, THINGS THAT AREN’T REAL BUT CAN BE MADE TO APPEAR SO WITH THE HELP OF DIGITAL TECHNOLOGY, a man was seriously injured following an assault by the director himself. “3D technology was a great jump forward but I wanted to make the experience feel even more real for the fans,” Cameron explained, “I wanted the audience to actually feel as though what they were watching was real. That is why I slapped the shit out of Carl Henderson.”

Carl Henderson, Minnesota father of four plans to sue the Hollywood mogul and is crying foul. “He just kept staring at me, asking me if I was entertained. When I’d answer ‘no’ he would just slap me harder and keep asking.” Leaked camera phone recorded footage of the incident is breaking all YouTube records solidifying Cameron’s reign at the top of his craft. Henderson broke into tears and could not continue the interview, his wife Cheryl of fifteen years had this to say, “I’ve seen him cry before, it’s the kids that I’m really worried about. I thought they’d at least be in high school before their father got bullied in front of them at a public movie theater.”

James Cameron could not be reached for comment however earlier this morning he twitted what fans have been eagerly waiting for. He confirmed that there will in fact be a sequel and that 68 year old Ruth Chang will not know what hit her. Fellow director Joel Coen praised Cameron, “I’ve spent all these years trying to make good movies, who would have thought all I had to do was beat these people to take their money from them.”

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