This morning Obama was scheduled to make a speech about the growing concern of class warfare in America and the debates that have revolved around his newest plan to raise taxes on the richest 1%. However, mid way through his speech, the president announced his withdraw from the 2012 election, saying “You know what…I don’t want to do this anymore. Fuck it, someone else can put up with this bullshit next year,” and immediately walked away from the podium giving reporters and photographers the middle finger.

Democrats however have already rallied behind a new potential replacement, pop singer Justin Beiber. “Obama won the 2008 election because he was young, hip, and the young voters in America could relate to him. They felt like they spoke the same language,” said Former House Majority Leader Nancy Pelosi, “This year, we are going younger and hipper, so we picked Justin Beiber.”
Leading G.O.P. members jumped all over the experience of the new candidate, saying “We all saw what happened when we put a guy with barely any experience in office, now the Democrats want to elect someone with no experience. Justin Beiber isn’t even black! He just thinks he is!”

Political Analysts have mixed viewpoints on whether or not this move by the Democrats is going to work, but the majority feels it is a smart move for the party. “Do you remember how old John McCain looked standing next to Obama? Just imagine how Newt is going to look standing next to Justin Beiber. I just hope I can get tickets to the inauguration concert…”

Rob DeSantis