-Israel releases 1000 Palestinian prisoners in exchange for 1 pumpkin pie. Day traders are expecting pumpkin pie to challenge the Euro until the holidays then balance out to the normal exchange rate.

-Wikileaks exposes China’s actual population to be just shy of a hundred thousand people. In related news China is now the official holder of the Guinness World Record for most mirrors.

-Earlier in the week the Greek government shut down the Parthenon and other ancient stone dwellings to public access as a result of the growing protests and riots. Next week they are scheduled to move in.

-In a surprise move Canada broke all ties with the United States this week citing capitalist greed and social apathy. In related news, relations between the United States and newly established Russia West are expected to be frigid but stable.

-Polls were showing a growing concern amongst US citizens about the conflict escalating in Uganda. President Obama eased these concerns by sending troops to the region helping Americans entirely forget the existence of a war.