In a surprising turn of events Libyan Dictator Moammar Gadhafi was discovered dead this morning after coworkers spent two days convincing people he was still alive. Coroners concluded he had died sometime last Friday night and foul play is suspected. This comes as a complete shock to all those who had spent the weekend partying with the famed dictator.
It is believed the two coworkers had been keeping the illusion that the former leader was still alive through a series of strings and levers. Jonathan Silverman confessed, “we knew it was a bad idea but first one person thought he was alive then another and his movements were already pretty mechanical so…” Mr. Silverman was cut off by long time companion and surprisingly still working actor Andrew McCarthy. “We were just trying to keep the religious warlords away. Gadhafi was like a religious warlord scarecrow,” McCarthy had to say, “now this country definitely won’t get an Arby’s.”
Libya is now reported as being in the control of religious warlords. Head cleric Mahmud Al Jazeeri released this statement, “there is no way you are getting an Arby’s now.” The rebels celebrated the new free Libya by singing, dancing, and machine gunning anyone who differed from them in belief or appearance.