LOS ANGELES, CA (USA)

Following domestic dispute charges against husband Mario, Princess Peach has filed for divorce in the state of California. She was seen nervously smoking cigarettes on the front porch of her sister’s house however she has yet to issue a statement. Authorities detained Mario last night at approximately 8pm and he is being held without bail posing a flight risk following a several day binge of mushrooms and super leaves. Police say he was calm and cooperative during the arrest.

The argument is believed to have began over a steak that Mario feared would have been overcooked thus, “defeating its own purpose.” Mrs. Peach suffered two black eyes, a fractured nose and a split on her upper lip. Refusing to stay at a shelter for battered women she is currently with family and expected to make a public appearance later in the week. Famed celebrity lawyer Laura Wasser is expected to represent the princess in the divorce. Wasser is most famous for representing Britney Spears in her divorce, a similar case where a rich blonde celebrity married poor white trash.

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