NEW YORK CITY, NY (USA)

Since September 17, 2011, Occupy Wall Street, the protest movement started in New York City, has taken off by leaps and bounds. Shortly after its inception, similar demonstrations have popped up in 70 major cities and over 600 communities in the U.S. as well as taken off in over 900 cities worldwide. While the number of people involved in the protest is hard to determine, statisticians have successfully concluded that this movement has definitely set a record for the largest number of people masturbating on public property.

Famous political statistician Rupert Charleston (also known as Numbers McCalculus), spoke with The Global News Network. “It is difficult to determine exactly how many people are involved in the protest,” said Charleston, “however what we can say for sure is that the average adult male, trying to refrain from sexual gratification can go an average of 3-4 days without pleasuring himself. In isolated incidents, there have been recorded cases of males holding out upwards of two weeks. However, this movement has been going on for a month and a half, and many of these protesters have been living on public property. So you see, the question isn’t whether the record for most people masturbating on public property has been broken or not, the question is, statistically speaking, how could it not have been?”

This news has increased already high public sanitation concerns, however, does explain some of videos of police violence. Said one police officer: “What? I wasn’t being violent spraying him with a hose! I was just trying to give that nice young man a cold shower…”

Rob DeSantis
http://www.twitter.com/robdcomedy

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