Representatives of Charles Larson, a local Buffalo New York native, have filed a suit against The Light of The Holy Mother Catholic Church in the amount of “17 years worth of Sunday Football.” The suit lists the complaint as “The Defendant, Charles Larson, after attending services from the age of 12 to 29 years old, has prayed to God to help the Buffalo Bills win the Superbowl. After investing 17 years of his life, Charles has not seen a return on his investment, Subsequently, Charles feels The Light of The Holy Mother Catholic Church engaged in misleading tactics to draw him into services every Sunday, and is therefore entitled to compensation in the amount of 17 years worth of Sunday Football.”

“When I first started attended Mass at The Light of The Holy Mother Catholic Church the father told me that God was a Buffalo Bills fan. I prayed and prayed and in the 90’s, I thought my prayers were going to come true…but I’ve kept praying, and in the last 12 years The Bills haven’t even made it into the post season! WHY IS GOD TESTING ME LIKE THIS! WHY DOES HE HAVE MASS ON SUNDAY IF YOU AREN”T SUPPOSED TO PRAY FOR FOOTBALL!”

The case is expected to be thrown out before it ever gets to trial. Local Judge Thomas Amodeo said “This is a ridiculous case, as you can’t sue someone and be expected to be paid in football games. It’s very clear saying God is a Buffalo Bills fan was meant to be a joke and was not misleading. If anything, God is a Steelers fan, because only God has the power to protect a rapist with an arm like that.”

Rob DeSantis