BOSTON, MA (USA)
Tensions are running high as fans await this Sunday’s competition as to who God loves more. Local sports analyst and part time bookie Father Charles O’Hannagan believes Tom Brady of the New England Patriots has the clear edge based on his three Superbowl rings and list of beautiful women. “Tebow is clearly on the favorite list as well,” Father O’Hannagan added, “if your competition having sickle cell isn’t God showing you his love, I don’t know what is.” Broncos head coach John Fox also weighted in on the debate, “Timmy prays really hard, no doubt about that. Brady however prays more efficiently. It’s going to be a good game.”
This football season also marked the passing of famed owner Al Davis. Known for his dedication, work ethic, and instinct for the game the loss marks a turning point for the entire league. He was however Jewish disqualifying the Oakland Raiders from the competition as a team altogether. “It’s not that God hates Jews,” Raiders Quarterback Carson Palmer explained, “it’s just that he doesn’t love them.” When asked to elaborate he explained that, “God would send the Jews a Christmas card but if they got into a crippling car accident he wouldn’t change their catheter.”
Both teams have already begun preparing for the game on Sunday, attending both morning and mid-day mass. The outcome does not only determine who moves forward in the playoffs, or what team had a more successful season but something far greater than even the game itself; what bumper stickers christians will be purchasing on Ebay this upcoming summer.