The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences released it’s nominees list this week and despite public backlash, the Academy thinks, frankly, it did a great job. “I don’t think we snubbed anyone,” said chair of public relations for the group, Marvin Levy. “The board picked everything correctly, nearest I can tell.” Levy added this is the 84th year in a row the Academy has been perfect in picking nominees.

Public outcry for actors Ryan Gosling, Patton Oswalt, Tilda Swinton, and films Bridesmaids, 50/50 and The Adventures of Tintin has fallen on deaf ears at the Academy. “Did you see Gosling in Drive?” said Actors Branch chair Annette Bening. “He just walked around. He said fifty words the whole movie. If anything, Mr. And Mrs. Gosling deserve the nod for creating that perfect jawline.”

A campaign started for motion capture actor Andy Serkis to get a supporting actor nomination for his role in Rise of the Planet of the Apes. “Seriously? The guy who played Gollum?,” said Bening. “He doesn’t even have to yell to the heavens as rain comes down on his face or fall down on the floor of his lonely apartment in a heap or use an accent not his own or put on heavy make-up to make him ugly. No chance.”

The film Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close has drawn the most ire from media outlets, but Writers Branch chair Frank Pierson has a simple answer. “If you think we’re dumb enough to leave a film about 9/11 where Tom Hanks dies off this list, you’re crazy. No matter how sappy or vapid it is.” Pierson said after the Academy saw a rough cut of the trailer for Close, they knew it would be getting a nod. “My wife cried during the trailer, and that was enough for us.”

Once the Academy learned the film The Artist was about the silent film era and featured French actors, it was also given a nomination.

Jason Cook