FORT WORTH, TX (USA)

Police are reporting that 32 year old Janet Elks of Fort Worth, Texas “still doesn’t get it” despite receiving two black eyes from live-in boyfriend Derek Tomlas. “The ketchup goes on before the lettuce,” explained Tomlas, “otherwise it’s just not a sandwich.”

Miss Elks was questioned following the altercation and according to testimony still does not understand that what she prepared for Mr. Tomlas on the evening of January 30th was not a sandwich. “It had ham, cheese, the works,” she pleaded. Sandwich statutes differ from county to county however head investigating officer Charles DuPont believes Tomlas had the full right to use any and all necessary force in defending his dinner practices.

This is the fourth domestic dispute case in the area in only four weeks bringing community concern to a peak. “It’s one thing to see it on TV while on your front lawn, it’s another to see it on your front lawn,” was the sentiment of local residents.

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