RENO, NV (USA)

Following a month long investigation into Reno resident Steve Howerton, evidence has been found that he really likes the song Two of Hearts and child pornography. When questioned by reporters, Mr. Howerton denied any affinity towards the 1985 Stacey Q hit single. “That song is terrible, why would I want to listen to it?” He has subsequently plead no contest to all charges of loving naked boys aged 7 to 11.

The community is in shock and outrage. Sharon Hill, a concerned mother of two boys had this to say, “we all had that record, it’s understandable, but to deny liking it? How can we expect the truth from our politicians if we can’t get it from our neighbors.” Others were more sympathetic, such as Reno Mayor Bob Cashell, “now we never actually witnessed him listening to the song. I’m not saying it’s the case but these could just be allegations to frivolously sue a a possibly innocent resident of my city.”

Former child stars Macaulay Culkin and Corey Feldman have both come forward in defense of Mr. Howerton claiming they have never personally witnessed him listening to the hit single. They continued that he most definitely did sodomize them on multiple occasions, “but it’s all cool.”

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