With a new baseball season just around the hot corner, Roger Clemens announced he was coming in clean in a new book entitled “Steroids, My Ass.” In a leaked portion of the book, Clemens reveals he did buy HGH and Steroids not for himself, but for Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig. Sources were able to verify that Clemens and Selig were seen entering a Men’s Room together in a Toronto area hotel and that on the same night Selig was heard complaining about not being able to sit down because of what he claimed at the time was a hemorrhoid problem. When reporters contacted Selig’s office for confirmation about said hemorrhoid problem, they were informed the Commissioner was in his office showing off how his weight lifting program allowed him to rip the Mitchell Report in half with his bare hands. Clemens further claimed he bought the HGH and Steroids from former Senator Mitchell. When told, Mitchell denied the claim saying there was no proof, Clemens told reporters: “Proof, I don’t need no stinkin’ proof. I got something better… Photoshop.”

Paul Lander is Writer/Prod and Consultant Producer of XM/Sirius’s “Hey, Get Off My Lawn.”