WASHINGTON DC, D.C. (USA)

After months of GOP candidates discussing healthcare companies paying for birth control, the constitutionality of “Obamacare,” and even if the government has the right to tell homosexuals they cannot get married, a new hot button topic is sweeping the debates. That topic: the constitutionality of teaching math in public school systems.  The debate was sparked shortly after it was pointed out to GOP candidates Ron Paul and Newt Gingrich that they were a few primaries away from being “mathematically impossible” in getting the delegates they need to win the nomination.

“Math is an invention of the Liberal Media to try and convince you that giving money to rich people is somehow a bad idea!” said Gingrich. “Personally I don’t even approve them teaching math in public schools, because the last thing we need are American’s who are smart enough to figure out that the numbers Republicans and Democrats feed American’s are all bullshit!” Mitt Romney has also spoken up saying “Mr. Gingrich and I have had our differences, but on this topic we agree, the last thing we need is Americans wasting time questioning the numbers of the Congressional Budget Office.  That’s our job to do when it doesn’t suit the argument we are trying to make, and it’s our job to agree with them implicitly when it does.” Rick Santorum contributed as well, “We already have these colleges doing their own independent studies, God forbid the rest of American’s become educated enough to figure out the media is just feeding them the BS economic figures we pay them to.”

Conservative media outlets have run with the notion, insisting that “it’s ridiculous we can teach the soft science of math in schools, but we can’t teach facts like the teachings of the bible.” All four candidates have agreed to sign a pledge when they get into office to try and replace math with bible study in public school systems, hoping making “the devil’s numbers” a thing of the past.

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