SALEM, NC (USA) 

The tobacco industry has been under scrutiny for many years. The last several decades have been marked by hearings accusing the industry of products causing health issues, marketing to children, and lobbying scandals at the highest ranks of government. Recently they have taken a step in a new direction. They are still making tobacco products, but are now marketing them to an older group that is incapable of developing new health issues, dead people.

The tobacco industry has since begun one of the most aggressive marketing campaigns in years. Strong regulations against advertisements on television and other media have usually prevented the tobacco industry from going on marketing blitzes, but none of those laws applied to the diseased.  Marlboro has begun sponsoring celebrity funerals, most recently hosting the “Dick Clarks countdown to flavor,” advertised as “a very tasteful celebration of Dick Clark’s life, wishing him well in his journey to flavor country.”

Critics have suggested that the tobacco industry has just found an advertising loophole, and that they are advertising to dead people hoping the living will see the ads and buy their products. “How do dead people even buy tobacco products let alone use them?” said Nancy Stallworth, chairman of The Truth, and anti-smoking nonprofit organization; “It doesn’t make any sense! They are just trying to advertise tobacco products right in front of everyone’s face again like it was the 50’s and get away with it!” The Tobacco industry has responded to such criticism with an official statement saying “There is no evidence to suggest that a zombie apocalypse isn’t coming, and we are simply setting ourselves up to offer zombies a smooth, refreshing, brain eating alternative.”

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