For the first time in over 100 years Victorinox, the Swiss Army knife company, is adding a new feature to its famed knife – a roach clip. The idea to add the marijuana joint extension helper came during a convention for retired Swiss Army officers in Amsterdam. When it became apparent a corkscrew or scissors would not extend the life of a marijuana cigarette, one former Swiss Officer was heard to say, “Frankly, we’d rather toke than fight… Why not do something to show it?” The new Swiss Army Knife can be bought online at swissarmy.com/roachclipsrus/product. The company also announced plans for next year’s convention to be held in Cali, Columbia. The spokesman issued a statement as to whether that trip might result in a cocaine spoon being the next added accessory but spoke too fast for anyone to understand the answer.

By Paul Lander

Paul Lander is Writer/Prod and Consult/Producer of XM/Sirius’s “Hey, Get Off My Lawn.”