HOLLYWOOD, CA (USA)

After years of audiences being forced to swallow mediocre story lines and CGI’ed heterosexuality, payback is on the horizon as Hollywood mainstays John Travolta and Tom Cruise sign on to literally eat shit. “We’re both very excited and can’t wait for the public to finally see us like they’ve wanted to for years,” Travolta said in an interview on Live with Kelly this morning. Tom Cruise, making several radio appearances in the Los Angeles area was equally enthusiastic, “we don’t often get the respect of say Robert De Niro or Al Pacino but after this picture, they’ll know we’re method actors too.”

Terrence Malick is slated to helm the project as he is already notoriously known for filming two hours of nonsense that receives universal praise from grown men who attend wine tastings. The script is being described as a coming of age story about two men from different backgrounds who come together to learn how to be better and more responsible adults and eat shit from a cup. Rounding off the cast is Lindsay Lohan and it is expected to be her breakout comeback role, if they can find a cup big enough to hold her that is. Expect big box office numbers this upcoming Summer.

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