First, there was Barbie, then Bratz, and now make way for Pop Tartz. A major toy manufacturer will reportedly announce a new line of dolls for adults featuring that trio of young ladies that give the term threesome a bad name – Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan and Kim Kardashian. The Spears doll will feature the blonde pop star with a selection of wigs and paste-on tattoos… underwear sold separately. Pull the string on the Lohan doll, and it will reportedly say, “Hello, my name is Lindsay, and I’m an alcoholic.” Or, “Hi, everybody at Rehab. I’m back!” The special edition Kim Kardashian doll in the likeness of, as the packaging states, “the girl who put the ‘HO’ in Home Movie” will feature no discernable special talent or ability. A press conference will be held at a soon-to-be announced rehab facility.

Paul Lander is a Writer/Prod and Consultant/Producer on XM/Sirius’s “Hey, Get Off My Lawn”