On the eve of his pursuit for eight more gold medals in the London Olympics, fourteen-time gold medal winner Michael Phelps today announced he wanted to share his secret to athletic success with the new exercise book and DVD — “Bong-ercise.” Phelps said, “When I have a need for speed I turn to weed.” Phelps then giggled explaining, “In fact I’m high right now and rhymes make me giggle.” The workouts will include a chapter entitled “If You Take A Hit, You Won’t Quit.” Phelps said it’s one of his favorite training regimes. Phelps: “You have a friend or coach place donuts or potato chips at each end of the pool. You then take a giant bong hit. Trust me, the munchies will do the rest.” “And, guys let me tell you, I can’t guarantee ‘Bong-ercise’ will make you more virile, but I can’t tell you how times I’ve been asked ‘is that a bong in your Speedos or are you just glad to see me?’”

Paul Lander is a Writer/Prod and Consultant/Producer of XM/Sirius’s “Hey, Get Off My Lawn.”