“It’s not that we hate Blacks and the Jews, it’s just that so many of our customers do. It’s good for business!”  Franchise CEO Dan Cathy had to say in an early morning press conference. “We plan on going public following statements about Muslims and schizophrenics who open fire in public places.”

Minority groups are clamoring all over the country. NAACP spokesperson Juanita Jones was not shy about her opinion, “this is ridiculous! Three pieces of chicken, corn bread and a soda for $4.99? You bet some phone calls are going to be made about this.”

The story, already attracting national attention, appears to have stemmed from anti gay-marriage statements Mr. Cathy made several weeks ago. Even President Obama weighed in on the discussion, “this is fantastic! They know I’m in the middle of an election right? Droughts, oil crisis, middle east in civil war… fried chicken and men’s dream team basketball have yet to let me down.”