WASHINGTON DC, D.C. (USA)

Today in a historic meeting between NFL, MLB, NBA, and collegiate sporting officials, Native American Sports Mascots have been given permission to acquire income through the opening of Indian Casinos that will be placed in select sporting arenas.  This decision comes at the tail end of a decision by North Dakota residents to retire the University of North Dakota’s Fighting Sioux mascot and iconography.  Sporting officials from every major sport from the high school level to the professional fear that the North Dakota vote would begin a wave of political correctness that could force all teams using Native American Iconography to eventually retire their mascots. “I was a part of this football program in college, and 20 years later I’m coaching the team,” said Erwin Chester, coach of North Iowa Smallpox Blankets, “Smallpox has been in my blood for over 20 years!” As a compromise, The Native American Sports Mascots formally agreed to allow the usage of Indian Iconography if they were allowed to open Indian Casinos in all major sporting arenas featuring a Native American Mascot.

Sporting officials have also been authorized by the Mascots to un-retire previously retired mascots, such as the St. John’s “Redmen,” Alabama’s former mascot “Chief Firewater,” and North Texas’ “Heathen Savages who need to find Christ.”  This decision was met with a mixed reaction from fans, as well as other non-Indian mascots.  The Notre Dame Fighting Irish mascot tweeted, “I’m surprised they agreed to give them so many Casinos’, don’t they know they traded Manhattan for a couple of beads?!” Reports say that the first Casino will be opening in Cleveland at Progressive Field, home of the Cleveland Indians, and the entire Casino will be made completely out of buffalo parts.

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