ST. LOUIS, MI (USA)

A recent study found a direct link between stronger strains of marijuana and the increase in obesity rates. The study found that marijuana potency has increased 70% over the last decade — the exact same percentage as the growth in girth among Americans: “Coincidence, we think not,” a spokesman for the study said. Lead researcher, Dr. Mary Jane Blunt first explained that her name was a coincidence and then stated that researchers could not definitively say whether the marijuana caused people to eat more or if memory losses made them forget they had just eaten. “Either way, we believe this study proves marijuana puts the pot in pot belly.” It issued this warning, “The combination of smoking dope and living near a buffet can cause an increased risk of heart disease, diabetes and the inability to fit into one’s pants.” In a related story, Visine® announced its sales have increased 70% over the last decade.

Paul Lander is a Writer/Prod and Consultant/Producer of XM/Sirius’s “Hey, Get Off My Lawn.”

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