After a three year study sex was found to be pleasurable more often than not by a leading Stanford University research team. Study on the physical effects of intercourse concluded late last week and scientists around the globe were stunned by the results. “We could never have predicted just how much fun sex could be,” leading researcher Dr. Sarah Plisky declared, “it’s messy, it’s wet, it just seemed like too much of a hassle to be worth it.” Testing included vaginal and anal intercourse however oral was excluded. Future studies are expected however Dr. Plisky believes, “results will be a lot less favorable, especially with hand jobs.”

The study was entirely funded by a single private donor, Richard Thorton III. “We as a society have questions that I felt I had to take charge in getting answers to,” Thorton explained, “just exactly how does it feel to put your penis inside another human being?” Thorton is primarily known as the son of famous televangelist Richard Thorton Jr.

Immediate changes to the culture are expected following the announcement. Sex amongst teens is expected to rise resulting in a baby boom however future grade point averages are expected to nose dive significantly.