Following violent acts of oppression from leadership in neighboring regions, an Armenian parliamentary vote approved to support rebel forces in declaring war on both fashion and subsequently music. Russian leader Vladimir Putin is fearing that this “Silk Shirt Spring” may escalate and inspire surrounding nations to similar revolts. A NATO task force is already in the region distributing Versace sunglasses and Emporio Armani stainless steel belt buckles.

“We may not agree with their beliefs but we can all agree they have a right to choose for themselves,” President Obama declared in a speech this morning, referring of course to pencil thin goatees and hitting on sixteen year old girls at night clubs. Rebel leader Levon Arslanian released a statement earlier this morning however it could not be translated because residual cologne had long since dissolved the ink.