Unemployment statistics reaching record highs forced the executive branch and congress to pass a revolutionary labor act earlier this morning. It is predicted job creation will double if not triple in percentage. By women no longer being allowed to enter or be involved in the workforce, it is believed that thousands of new jobs will be open for far better qualified men.
The plan does have its skeptics, such as women who wear pant suits and women with short hair cuts. “This is despicable. It’s backwards and insulting, we won’t take this sitting down,” was the sentiment of the group. “I love it,” men had to say as they sipped on martinis and puffed on cigars.
The plan fell in line with Obama’s promise of bipartisan politics as both parties are generally fans of the show Mad Men, where the initiative drew its original inspiration. “Women of course will still be allowed secretarial work, but only the pretty ones,” vice president Joe Biden declared in front of a standing ovation in congress.
Coinciding with the passing of the new act was strengthened relations with Iran. Ayatollah Khomeini declared today a national holiday for his home country and accepted an invitation for political talks with President Obama to take place this upcoming week at Camp David.
Heaviest praise came from Bill Clinton. The former president acknowledged Barack Obama’s success at accomplishing something he could not do himself, removing current Secretary of State Hillary Clinton from the White House.