WASHINGTON, D.C. – Following a week and a half of impassioned posts on social media websites such as Facebook and Twitter, the Ukrainian civil war has been officially categorized as boring and irrelevant. The decree was issued earlier this morning after it was discovered that those who posted most heavily about the war were back to sharing nostalgic top ten lists and awkward selfies where sub-chin features could not be made out. The end to the Ukrainian war coverage also marks a new record in quickest end to an internet trend beating Kony 2012 by over a day and a half.
Ukrainians across the United States are furious with claims that the war continues to rage on, however, by receiving no “likes” these posts have been discredited and Facebook administrators are issuing penalties for lude content. “They’re making me out to be crazy,” claimed Alexander Sevchenko, an ethnic Ukrainian currently residing in Southern California, “there’s definitely still a war going on.” Alexander was then assured by friends and in-laws via Facebook that it has been 13 years since anyone has been able to purchase a Hi-C Ecto Cooler, a once popular fruit drink. Meanwhile, ethnic Russians are being congratulated on their outstanding victory in the conflict. Arthur Kaminsky, an unemployed Brooklyn resident on the verge of eviction would not comment, however it is believed he was filled with joy as a result of the outcome of the war.