BIRMINGHAM, AL – In a statement submitted to local press, recently elected president of the Birmingham chapter of the National Brotherhood, Scott Derekson expressed the sentiment and direction of his club’s policies in an attempt to rebrand the organization and heal public relations with the  local community. “Clearly we still hate niggers and jews,” Derekson explained, “but we also love balloons.” He continues that his hopes are to create stronger bonds between those in the hate mongering organization and those opposed to their beliefs. “Ice cream, Mickey Mouse, puppies, the list goes on,” continued Derekson. It was, however, specified that puppies with oversized snouts and runny noses should be excluded from club sponsored events such as the upcoming Kristallnacht commemorative county fair.

The campaign to raise public opinion for the National Brotherhood actually began several months prior to Scott Derekson’s election stemming from a cross burning incident leaving several members with third degree burns. Community organizers were outraged at the lack of safety precautions required for such an event and promised protests if changes were not made to local legislation. The cross burning scheduled for next month will now require at least two fire extinguishers for every ten feet of timber used and the presence of the local fire department. Engine 49 Chief Marshall Jim McDunnam originally protested his department’s involvement, however, upon learning about the presence of several puppies at the event his sentiment changed. National Brotherhood members are considering this an early grand slam success for their popular new president.

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