HOLLYWOOD, CA – In what is already being heralded as the greatest discovery since the splitting of the atom, Dr. Nick Cannon announced new findings that white people sometimes eat cream cheese and occasionally attend farmer’s markets. These findings are the result of a several month research on the anthropological habits of white people. Dr. Cannon reportedly observed as white people would order bagels with cream cheese at a local restaurant and make note of their choice between plain, poppy, or sesame toppings.
When asked if he ever partook in the diet of his test subjects he replied in the negative, choosing instead to feast on savory fried chicken with a variety of molasses dipping sauces. “When we introduced what we in the scientific community refer to as ‘lox’ into their habitat, ” continued the doctor while flashing a devious smile, “they loved it.”
Many are protesting the research claiming that the experiment was rigged. “They used really good cream cheese, like Philadelphia,” explained a white woman who clearly knows her cream cheeses, “perhaps if they used a store brand.” Dr. Cannon has added that the possibility of revisiting the experiment exists but only when his current study on chinese people having small dicks concludes.