PHILADELPHIA, PA – The September 11th attacks were one of the darkest days in American history, and for most Americans, that day is forever burned into their memories.  Much like the JFK Assassination, the moon landing, and Pearl Harbor, Americans can all tell you exactly where they were and what they were doing when they heard the news.  However, shocking reports from many of the nation’s middle schools shows that most students, if not all, have no memory of where they were on September 11th, 2001.

“I was shocked,” said Jeremy Miller, a junior high school history teacher in Philadelphia, PA, “I thought it would be a good idea to ask the students to write a paper on where they were and what they were doing on September 11th, and not a single one of them could remember.  I haven’t seen such a lack of American pride in my 20 year teaching career.  I wonder if this generation is too distracted by their Xbox’s and Justin Biebers to even notice if someone flew a plane into this school!”

After this news was released, both the Conservative and Liberal media came out with their own theories on this troubling trend.  Conservatives largely feel the reason most pre-teens can’t remember 9-11 is an absence of God from the classroom, while most Liberal media feel that a lack of budgeting for schools is the problem and that throwing money at junior high schools might jog pre-teens memory. There was a third theory suggested by one of America’s most famous scientists and host of Cosmos Neil deGrasse Tyson, that pre-teens don’t remember 9-11 because they were likely not born yet or too young to form memories. This theory from Neil deGrasse Tyson has been largely condemned in the media as just another scientist trying to grab headlines by saying something provocative.

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